Sailing the Seas of Self-Discovery

Note: This was a journal entry I wrote a few years ago after having been out for a several years and what I was thinking at the moment having just started a new relationship.

I knew there was always a reason I waited. Unsure and uncommitted. Was I afraid? I used to be… when things were less clear. When I was less me and more whatever I thought the world wanted me to be. But since starting that journey of being honest with myself about who I was, the fog began to lift… but still, I had no sight of land.

I was afraid in the dark, surrounded by the fog of self-loathe. But now that the fog has begun to lift, I can see who I really am and what I’ve become on this journey.

The seas are calmer. The air is lighter. I can breathe for once. I can think. I can navigate more clearly. I continue to wait, less unsure but looking to commit – to find that person who I can sail the seas of life with, through storm and serenity.

The journey of finding self and discovering who you are is an ocean in and of itself, and some go their entire lives without discovery. But regardless, self-discovery never ends. Because one can only know so much of oneself, by one self.

Loving and being loved opens a new dimension to explore oneself while exploring another. Learning to love one self is a journey in itself. Sharing one self with another and learning to love another, that is one journey.

And in that moment of loving and being loved, two journeys have merged to chart a new course. Where once they sailed alone, perhaps missing the other behind an island, or obscured by another ship, or perhaps on opposite sides of the world, the currents and the paths they have taken have eventually led them to this harbor where two journeys become one.

A companion makes the seas less of a daunting and fearful endeavor. With someone by you, those monsters on the edge of the map become the outlines of new continents, new oceans, and new experiences. With a companion, those uncharted seas become blank pages with which to create a new world – to write a new story.

Our two journeys have led us here. To this harbor. Perhaps scarred but safe. But I sit on this cliff overlooking the many more seas to travel, with palm resting upon the ground inches away from where yours are and where you are looking.

Take my hand, I whisper. I think I’m ready.